Due date

Today was my precious Angel baby's due date. This whole week leading up to today has been a rough one. I feel so sad and yet I have tried to not let myself dwell on what could of been. I allowed myself time to cry for the child that was not meant to be but grieving alone is a hard thing to do. I had no pictures or really much of anything to document that pregnancy, only pregnancy tests and 2 things I bought to remember my angel by...... so there is nothing really to look back on to remember my angel by just the memory of knowing I carried him or her beneath my heart even for a short time.

I tried to prepare my husband yesterday for how I might feel today but he just shook his head and didn't say anything. Some how that makes it feel even worse knowing that the father of my child isn't mourning that child like I am. I know it has a lot to do with how long we actually knew we were expecting our angel. I also know that is probably a man thing even though that is not an excuse. No matter what that child was a part of both of us and I had hoped that he would at least share some of my feelings that I am feeling today.

I know today was the first true milestone since my miscarriage last december and that there will be more to come. I will always think of my Angel and miss my Angel on these days but I know he or she was just not meant for this earth.

Happy due date  my Angel. Mommy wishes she could have welcomed you into this world today. I will always love you no matter what.

Life as I know it....aka the past month!

Sorry for being gone so long, but well, LIFE HAPPENS, right?  Such is my life.  I sometimes fill in as a sub at my friend's day care.  Last month she had an employee leave and she needed me to work until she could hire someone new and get them trained, so that is where I have been!  After working all day with babies or 3 and 4 year olds, I barely have enough energy to eat dinner, let alone get on the computer.  On top of that I have been sick twice in the last month as well. Once with a stomach flu that I caught from one of the babies and now I am fighting to get over a really bad cold, which the docs thought was RSV for a little while.....
also caught from the babies :)  Gotta just love daycare!  So needless to say, I have been slacking on my blog, but that isn't the only thing!  I started having FB withdrawals!!!  Is that crazy or what?  But I am back and hopefully will get back to a regular routine, if I ever even had one, of blogging.

The good thing about being so busy is that my mind hasn't been fixated on the loss of my Angel Baby.  I think of my Angel just about everyday, but I don't obsess and lose myself in thoughts of the "what might have beens" as much anymore.  Today though, I have been thinking of my Angel.  I realized earlier this week that if I hadn't lost the baby, I would be almost 20 weeks right now.  I might even have known by now if it was a boy or girl.  But God must have needed my Angel more than I did.  I try to think of the positives like, I know I was blessed to have had my Angel even for a short time.  I know that I will have a child someday and most importantly, I KNOW GOD HAS A PLAN FOR ME!!!  So I continue to have HOPE and FAITH!

I do have some exciting news I can share today.  One of my oldest and dearest friends (we met on the 1st day of 1st grade)  is 18 weeks pregnant.  Much like me, she had trouble getting pregnant when they finally decided to start trying.  A and her DH had not done as much as my DH and I had as far as ART treatments, but had begun getting all of their ducks in a row to move to ART treatments.  I am so excited to follow my friend through her pregnancy and can't wait to be called "Aunt Tasha" !!!  A bittersweet note....she and I would have been due 11 days apart if my Angel had not been called home to Heaven. 

So that is a little of what has been going on with me while I was MIA.  The weather here in Florida is beautiful right now and I hope to spend a lot of time outside here very soon.  Plans for this weekend include getting my rose bush planted in Memory of our Angel!  So lots to look forward to and enjoy this weekend.  I hope everyone, where ever you are, enjoys the weekend that lies ahead!