Catching up....with some very good news!

Well, once again, time got away with me.  I know that isn't an excuse but hey, life happens right?  So I hope those of you who read my blog will forgive me for being a bad blogger yet again.  I do have good news to share though.  Part of my blogging decline was because of this reason.  I just knew that I could not keep up blogging without spilling the beans!

After 5 years 5 months and our one Angel baby, I am happy to announce that WE ARE PREGNANT!!!!!  Here is the big surprise though.  As of tomorrow I will be 21 weeks along.  Please don't send a lynch mob out after me for not sharing this sooner.  I was going to announce at 13 weeks, but that week I had to go out of town and then when I got back to where I could blog and share my news, my friend's son, Caleb, passed away.  It just didn't seem like the right time to share then so I was going to wait a couple weeks but that turned into 6....so here we are at 21 weeks and counting.

To catch everyone up I have been kinda "blogging" in private to keep up with everything.  My plan is over the next couple of days to post these blogs so that everyone can see how things have been progressing with my pregnancy.  I even have wonderful pictures to share! 

So far I feel great!  My due date is October 12, 2011.  I am seeing a high risk doc because of my age....I was told at my first appointment that they no longer use the term "Geriatric", they instead use the term, "Advance Maternal Age".  Well, either way, it means your OLD to be having a child! I might be old in the medical world for this, but I welcome everything I am experiencing!  We find out on June 2nd what we are having...that is if the baby will cooperate.  It is hard to believe that in a little over 4 months I will be a mommy!  It is a long awaited dream come true!

Anyway, stop by tomorrow and I will share our "Pregnancy" story!  Trusting in God's will has gotten us this far and man, did he really answer a prayer!!!

Another Song to lend us all Faith and Strength

Ok...so I'm still finding it hard to put my feelings into words here recently so here is another video that I lift up as a Prayer for those of us who are waiting for God to send us our little Miracles!

Feelings beyond my own words....

If you have read my last few posts you will know that I have been struggling lately.  My faith is not strong right now.  I am trying to find strength in God who I know has a plan and a purpose.  I am trying to KEEP MY HOPE in HIM!  But some days it is just hard to do, so today I offer up this prayer for me and all who, like me are waiting:

Feeling a bit out of sorts....

I will start off on a positive note, I have lost 5 pounds towards my first 35 pound goal! And I completed the Making Strides Against Breast Cancer Walk today in Memory of my friend Robyn and in honor of several others who have battled this horrible disease. 3 miles of walking and I didn't sit down once, which was an accomplishment for me, cause I'm a big girl :) I did good!

So the closer to the end of the year the more down in the dumps I get.  Here it is the early morning of Halloween and where am I in my infertility journey?  About 100 steps behind where I was a year ago! Or so it seems.  First the wreck and then the move.  I swore to myself I would not go another Christmas without being a mommy and here it is sneaking up on me and do I have a child to buy for, nope. 

What is the point?  Sometimes I so want to just throw in the towel and say I give up, I'm done.  But then I remember how badly I want a child and I just can't give up yet.  My desire to be a mom is so great I just don't know what to do with this energy that I have bottled up inside of me! I have no outlet for it!  Right now I am packing and getting ready for our move into the new house.  That is taking a lot of my time, but it also gives me more time to think that I care for. I'd rather just crawl under the covers and stay in bed until it all just magically all goes away! Can I do that please?  Is there someone who can make that happen? Does someone have a magic lamp I can wish one or a genie I can use a wish up on?

I know God must be tired of hearing my prayers over and over.  They always turn out the same so lately I've just been say, "Ok God, you know the prayer, so can you help a sister out please?"  I just don't know what to pray anymore.  I KNOW I SHOULD HAVE MORE FAITH AND TRUST GOD & HIS TIMING BUT IT HURTS AND I DON"T HAVE THE STRENGTH SOME DAYS TO FIGHT!!!  WHY is it so difficult?  WHY???

Another sign in front of a random church

Every once in a while I pass a church that has a sign out front that says something very profound. It is amazing how sometimes what is said is so fitting for the mood I'm in or my situation at the time. Today's sign said, "Patience is Trusting in God's Timing". WOW! I read this coming out of a job interview. This job has sounded very promising when I read the add for it, but once I found out what the job was, well, not so much what it is but the hours, I knew I couldn't take it if I were offered it. It is working with young girls with self injurious behaviors, in a transitional group home. After this placement they will go into a foster home. The job would be a wonderful opportunity to work with a group that I haven't worked with in the past, but the hours would keep me from having any time with my DH! We are just getting back to where we need to be in our relationship, so I don't want to jeopardize that. So I will take the words posted on that church sign today and "TRUST IN GOD'S TIMING" not only in the area of a job, but in going back to school and TTCing. It is amazing how one simple sentence can help you face another day with peace and patience!