Friday, October 31, 2008

It has been a while since I blogged. We have been on a break so that I could get some more weight off.....well, that isn't really happening the way we hoped. It is taking a lot longer. My DH thinks he figured it out and I think he is right. As long I haven't lost the weight, the weight can be the reason I don't get pregnant BUT if I lose the weight and I still don't get pregnant then it is my fault I'm not getting pregnant. And guess what? That is exactly how I feel! If I can blame it on something else I'm better than if it is ME! Does that make sense?

Anyway, a month ago I wrote to one of the local TV news reporters on our local NBC station and suggested a story be done on Infertility during National Infertility Awareness Week. Then I didn't think about it anymore. Then I got an email from one of the producers and they wanted to do the story but it would have to be after "the" week.....and they wanted me to be a part of it. So we finally set it up.

Monday is the day that I will be on WSFA's Alabama Live discussing infertility. I hope I do well. I'm sure I will. I'm going to memorize some facts this weekend about infertility and PCOS so that I can be prepared just in case Kim asks me. I emailed her my story today. Below is a copy of what I wrote. i did this so she would know my story ahead of time and would be able to pull questions from my experience to ask me. I just hope I don't get so nervous that I freeze. Anyway, here is my story...short and sweet.

My Story:

In 1995 at the age of 23, while married to my ex husband, I was diagnosed with Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS), which causes me not to ovulate and have regular cycles. I basically was told to lose weight and then I would get pregnant. That didn't happen. We divorced in 1998. I met my new husband in 2002 and we married in 2004. We knew from the beginning that it would take a while for us to get pregnant but treatments had changed dramatically between the six years I had divorced and remarried, so we had hope and still do.

We began trying to conceive in August 2005. We were referred to a fertility doctor in Birmingham by my doctor on base. After almost a year of trying and 3 failed Intrauterine Insemination's or IUI's we decided to take a break. Our break lasted a year. Then last fall, while in the Galleria in Birmingham I saw an advertisement for the ART Fertility Program of Alabama. I wrote the phone number down and then called them to see if they accepted my insurance, which they did. The receptionist gave me the web address and I scoured the site to find out everything I could about them. There were two things that drew my husband and I to this fertility program; the fact that there was a satellite office in Montgomery so we wouldn't have to drive back and forth to Birmingham all the time AND one of the doctors had published research on diagnosis and fertility treatment of polycystic ovarian syndrome in the journal Fertility and Sterility. I knew right then and there I had found my doctor!

In February of this year we began our treatments with Dr. Allemand at the ART Fertility Program which is based out of Brookwood Medical Center in Birmingham. Although we have yet to have a successful outcome, we continue to have hope and Dr. Allemand is very encouraging. We have received wonderful treatment from the staff at the office here in Montgomery as well as the main office in Birmingham. We meet with Dr. Allemand via Video Conference to discuss our treatments, which keeps my husband from having to take off work to go to Birmingham. The convenience of having ART in town relieves part of the stress that accompanies the fertility treatment process and I wouldn't trade these doctors and nurses for anything in the world. This time around we have had two IUI's and two failed cycles. Currently I'm preparing for the next step in medications which will be injectables. To reduce my chance of multiples I have a goal weight I'm trying to achieve so that my dosage will not have to be as high. My doctor is confident that we will be able to achieve a pregnancy, it is just a matter of getting to my goal weight and going from there.

Besides the actual trying to conceive there is the emotional side of everything. I have always known that I would be a mom but no one ever told me the journey to get there would be this difficult. As a woman I feel out of sync with the rest of the world sometimes. How I deal with this emotional rollarcoaster changes day to day. If it is not the medications that are loaded with hormones affecting my mood then it is the depression that plagues me. Sometimes I find it hard to be happy for the people I love when they have children, yet I put on a happy face for their sake and then I grieve in private for the one thing that I want the most, "MY CHILD". I truly want to be happy for those around me that have children it is just that some days it is hard when it seems everyone is pregnant except for me. The one thing that helps me through is my faith in God, although I sometimes even struggle with this. That is why I sought out a local support group to help me through some of this emotional and spiritual struggle that I go through with the infertility issues. Knowing there is someone that totally understands where I am helps get me through all of this. And as some of my online friends say, "It does not matter how many children I have, I will always know the pain of Infertility." Whether I become a mom by conceiving and giving birth to my own child or adopting a child, I will be a mom one day. We just aren't ready to give up on our fertility treatments yet. When the time comes we will know and although it will be tough, at least we will know that we did everything we could.