Sunday, June 5, 2016

Long time no see

Well, I didn't realize I had been away so long until a friend of mine decided to start a blog the other night.  So I hopped on so I could follow her and WOW! October 2011? Really?? How could it possibly be that long since I posted?  A lot of things have happen since then, I mean A LOT! Our little bundle of joy is now 4 1/2 and she has a 2 1/2 year old sister! Time has certainly flown.  So I will be catching up on things soon I hope.  Lots of stories to tell so bear with me. 

How do you like the new name? Tried to make it fun and still keep my "Geriatric" sense of humor! See you again soon friends!

Monday, October 17, 2011

Photo Card

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Sunday, August 7, 2011

Due date

Today was my precious Angel baby's due date. This whole week leading up to today has been a rough one. I feel so sad and yet I have tried to not let myself dwell on what could of been. I allowed myself time to cry for the child that was not meant to be but grieving alone is a hard thing to do. I had no pictures or really much of anything to document that pregnancy, only pregnancy tests and 2 things I bought to remember my angel by...... so there is nothing really to look back on to remember my angel by just the memory of knowing I carried him or her beneath my heart even for a short time.

I tried to prepare my husband yesterday for how I might feel today but he just shook his head and didn't say anything. Some how that makes it feel even worse knowing that the father of my child isn't mourning that child like I am. I know it has a lot to do with how long we actually knew we were expecting our angel. I also know that is probably a man thing even though that is not an excuse. No matter what that child was a part of both of us and I had hoped that he would at least share some of my feelings that I am feeling today.

I know today was the first true milestone since my miscarriage last december and that there will be more to come. I will always think of my Angel and miss my Angel on these days but I know he or she was just not meant for this earth.

Happy due date  my Angel. Mommy wishes she could have welcomed you into this world today. I will always love you no matter what.

Thursday, July 21, 2011

7 months seems like a lifetime

7 months ago today I became the mommy of an Angel.  It feels like it was such a long time ago and yet in the grand scheme of things I know it has only been a blink of an eye.

Even though I am expecting a little miracle I find myself thinking of what my life would be like right now. How big would my belly be? Would I be having a girl or boy? Would I be as anxious and worried as I am now during this pregnancy? What would it be like knowing that my child and my best friend' s child would be born so close together or even on the same day? I know I will never have answers to these questions and a million others just like it. I can never get my first child back. That child was not meant for earth. My heart aches and longs for that child even as I carry its little sister under my heart.

Mommy loves you and misses you my Angel! Watch over your little sister and send her safely to us!

Wednesday, June 1, 2011

Pregnancy Journey up to Week 20 Part 2

April 4, 2011 - High Risk Appointment #1

Completed the 1st screen, to include measuring of the baby and blood work. Discussed all the testing with a Genetic Counselor including an Amnio. Told them we will do all the non-evasive testing but WILL NOT be doing an Amnio! The outcome would not sway us to do anything with the pregnancy.

Doc does not foresee any issues with pregnancy but since I am predisposed to Gestational Diabetes and Preeclampsia, they will be keeping a close eye on me. Also, because we have a niece that was born with two holes in her heart, as well as one of the meds I was on during the first trimester, the baby is at higher risk for having a heart defect. An in depth study of the heart will be done at next appointment. Results of the 1st screen will be back in a week. Baby's heart rate was 169bpm. Next appointment: June 6th, 8:30am

Not a great ultrasound pic but here is the little one at 12 weeks 5 days:

April 11, 2011:  RESULTS OF 1ST SCREEN

Downs Syndrome: Starting risk based on age - 1 in 117 chance. Risk after testing - 1 in 1003 chance
Trisomy 13 and 18: Starting risk based on age - 1 in 215 chance. Risk after testing - 1 in 4300 chance

Next screening will be done at the June 6th appointment.
April 25, 2011: 16 week OB appointment

HR OB requested my cervix be checked by my regular OB to make sure there are no issues, based on my history not anything they saw. Cervix measured over 3mm...I think that is what he said. He said it looked great and he didn't see any issues. A recheck of the cervix will be done in 2 weeks.

The baby was very active during the ultrasound. It was moving around so much that the Nurse Midwife had a hard time catching up long enough to measure the heartbeat. After the little game of catch the heartbeat measured in at 164 Didn't find out if we are team pink or blue yet We have to wait until my next HR appointment on June 6th. Oh, and no new pics of my butterfly.

I have officially been taken off of Metformin until after my 2 hour Glucose tolerance test. I will do that in 2 weeks. Also did blood work to test for CF and Neural Tube defects.

May 10, 2011 OB visit for recheck of Cervix - 17w 6days

Saw a different provider for this visit. He was an actually Dr. not a NP/Midwife. He asked why my cervix had been checked the last visit and why I was there so soon after my last appointment. I let him know that my HR doc had requested a Cervical check. Told him that my NP/Midwife had said everything looked great when he checked two weeks ago but had me set up the recheck. Dr. said he wasn't going to recheck. Told me if I had bleeding, cramping or loss of fluid for me to call and then they would check again. He said he felt that there was no reason to "wand me" unless I was having trouble. He did do a quick ultrasound to check the baby's heartbeat and said everything looked great. HB was in the 150s.

He set my next OB appointment 3 weeks out, right before I go to my next HR appointment.

May 23, 2011: Unexpected ER Visit 19w5d

Went to the ER for fever, body aches and severe lower stomach/lower back pain. I spent several hours in the ER. To cover all bases they checked for early preeclampsia. All lab work came back great. Baby's heart rate was 174 They diagnosed me with a bad sinus infection however they sent me to Labor and Delivery as a precaution since I was having the pain in my lower back and abdomen.

I was taken very good care of in L&D. They found the baby's heart beat after a lot of searching...some of the nurses were in training Heart rate was 172 They hooked me up to the monitor to see if my pains were contractions. They determined I was not. The doc on call came in and did an u/s to check my cervix, which were fine and then they sent me home. They reassured me that since this is my first baby that it was most likely my round ligaments stretching and that it was absolutely normal.

Before I left L&D the head nurse came in and went over my instructions for going home. Mostly common sense stuff and things I already knew. She told me the baby was very active while they were checking the heart rate and even when they did the ultrasound you could see the baby's head and a hand just moving like crazy. She said it was very reassuring and for me to try to relax and try not worry too much about having to come up there.

I am feeling much better now. I have been resting a lot the past two days and haven't had much pain to speak of. They suggested I start wearing a support belt so I have one ordered

May 31, 2011: 2 hour Glucose Tolerance Test after being off Metformin for a month. Results on June 2nd at OB appointment.

Next OB appointment Thursday, June 2nd.  Next HR OB appointment AND Gender Scan on Monday, June 6th!

So that is where we are now! 

Pregnancy Journey up to Week 20 Part 1

January 31, 2011: Conceived naturally after miscarriage in Dec. 2010 and 5 1/2 years of treatment with an RE.

February 1, 2011: confirmed with BETA 72.52. Started Progesterone supplements. POAS once again, just to make sure :-)

February 2, 2011: POAS a final time just because I couldn't believe it was real! The lines just kept getting darker!

February 3, 2011: 2nd BETA 163.57

February 7, 2011: 3rd  BETA 1100

February 11, 2011: 4th BETA 3855

February 15, 2011: 5th BETA 12,068. Had first ultrasound and got to see our little butterfly but it was too early to be able to measure to find out how far along I was.  Was actually 5w6d at this point.

February 23, 2011: 6th BETA 41,217. First OB appointment. Everything went great. Will be referred to Sacred Heart Hospital in Pensacola, FL to the High Risk Dr. Had another ultrasound. Finally able to measure baby.....7 weeks! Heart rate was 145bpm Official due date October 12, 2011

March 30, 2011: 12 weeks exactly. 2nd OB appointment. Baby measured in at 12 weeks 3 days. Heart rate was 171bpm. Baby was very active during the ultrasound. While showing us the top of the baby's head it kept moving side to side. When I asked if that was the baby moving the midwife said it was cause he had the ultrasound wand still. We got to see all the important stuff....the spine, the brain, the arms and hands and even a little foot!

How we ended up 21 weeks Pregnant

Let me start by saying that I never thought I would be writing a blog like this.  I thought I was destined to be childless forever, or at least childless meaning "not of my body".  One way or the other I always knew I would be a mommy, but I truly had started coming to the realization that it might be through adoption. So for this to truly be happening is surreal!  So here goes Part 1 of how we ended up expecting again so quickly after our miscarriage....and I promise there will be no x-rated parts!

When I miscarried in December I was completely devastated.  Not only was finding out I was pregnant a shock after so many years of trying with medical help but just as it was finally sinking in my worst fear came to be....I lost the child I was carrying, my first child.  After the first few weeks of mourning and being sad I started looking for some support locally to help me through what I was feeling.  DH did not understand what I was going through and even though I have friends that had experienced a loss I needed someone to talk to.  In the course of trying to find a support group I was put in contact with someone from our base.  There is a program for new parents and the nurses actually follow you through pregnancy and then up until your child is 3 years old.  I was told that even though my pregnancy had ended that they were still there for me and the nurse made an appointment to come out to visit me in early January.

Nurse E was very caring and listened to my concerns about needing someone to talk to.  She even gave me some information regarding Miscarriage that no one had even given me to that point except for the Family and Airman Readiness Center when I stopped in and they got me in contact with her.  I explained to her that even the smallest bit of information about what was going on with my body would have been helpful weeks before when I was actually going through it all, physically.  On my own I had ordered several books on dealing with miscarriage to help me through this time but there was something still missing.  She suggested counseling or the support group that I was already looking for information on.  Both things I had already thought of and was in the process of getting started.

Before she left Nurse E made a comment, and to this day I will forever be in her debt for telling me this.  DISCLAIMER: Please do not take this as something that everyone should do, however based on my history she, as a nurse felt comfortable telling me this.  Nurse E asked me how long the clinic told me we needed to wait before trying to conceive again.  I told her that they had said we could resume relations after 2 or 3 weeks but needed to wait for at least 3 months before actively TTCing, so my body had time to heal.  She then proceeded to share with me that based on how far along I was when I miscarried, my history of infertility issues and my age that we shouldn't wait the 3 months they told us to.  She said that my body didn't have much healing to do because I wasn't very far along and that I would be most fertile right after my miscarriage.  Even the information she gave me on miscarriage said the same thing. 

When my DH came home I told him about the conversation with Nurse E.  We talked about it and agreed that if it happened it was meant to be, if it didn't we would continue on as we had before, working with a fertility doc.  In the coming weeks I started the process with the clinic to get our referral to the Fertility doc I wanted to work with in the area and my DH and I resumed physical relations, not preventing but not actively trying.  I also started going to therapy.

At one of my therapy appointments at the end of January, I was discussing with my Counselor that I still had not had a cycle since my miscarriage approximately 6 weeks prior.  We discussed how that made me feel and she suggested that I take a home pregnancy test and then call my doctor afterward and talk with them about what to do to get my cycles going again.  This way at least I would know where I stood where my body was concerned.  I went home totally not expecting a positive pregnancy test. 

When I got home I POAS and then left it in the bathroom and went to do something else.  I went back a little while later and got the shock of my life!  There on the EPT was a very faint but very clear + sign!  I started freaking out.  I grabbed a digital and dipped it in and then began the agonizing wait to see what it would say.  It confirmed what the first one had shown.  I was pregnant!  I called my mom in hysterics.  After calming down some I tried to call my DH but he was in the classroom teaching and I couldn't reach him.  I sent him a text and waited for him to call me back. 

While I was waiting I went through all the possible reasons the tests could have come out positive.  One was that the pregnancy hormone from the miscarriage was still lingering but I knew that wasn't right because I had done betas for 2 weeks after the miscarriage until it had gone down to zero. Then I started thinking about when we had "done it".  Being the infertility guru that I am, I had kept up with everything for 5 1/2 years, especially when we BD'd even when we weren't doing a medicated cycle and of course this time I hadn't written a damn thing down!  WHAT?  I couldn't believe it!  From my calculations however, if I was really pregnant I wasn't even what would be considered 14dpo. I was barely pregnant, if there really is such a thing!

After talking with my DH and the shock wore off...well kinda.  We knew based on the previous pregnancy that I was going to have to go in immediately so that I could get put on Progesterone.  So I called the clinic the next morning and I began the process of getting into see the OB at the big base.  My mom drove over and went with me that day because DH was once again in the classroom and couldn't get out of it.  I went and had the blood test done at the little base and then headed to the big base, which I knew would be the next step.

Once the pregnancy was confirmed I went to the OB clinic at the big base and began the paperwork.  Boy was the one nurse surprised to see me so quickly.  She said she felt like the test might be a false positive and that she thought it was just left over hormones from the miscarriage.  I reminded her that I had tested down to zero on that.  She agreed that yes I had.  She filled me in on what I needed to do next.  I requested that they check my progesterone and that in the mean time I would like a script for Progesterone.  She went to talk to the doc about it.  When she came back she told me that the Doc said they could have the results in 2 days and once it was back he would write the script if my blood work warranted it.  I reminded her that my Progesterone was low last time and was what likely was the cause of my miscarriage.  She said that two days wouldn't make a difference cause I was probably so early in the pregnancy.  I felt at that point that if she didn't think 2 days would hurt that I could wait 2 days.

So I headed down to the lab, where they proceeded to tell me it would be a week to 10 days before they got the results.  I knew at that point that I had to do something.  Since I promised my DH I wouldn't do anything to get him in trouble, I decided to go to the patient advocate.  I explained to the PA exactly why I was there to see her and that I was not leaving the clinic until I had a script.  I told her I was not going to jeopardize my unborn child's life, yet again, just because they don't have my history in hand regarding my low progesterone, and that my miscarriage 6 weeks earlier and the results of the Progesterone test from then should be proof enough.  She agreed and began the process of getting me what I needed.  I left the clinic that day with a script in hand and even though I had a nurse really ticked off at me, I got what I needed regardless of others feelings. 

As a backup plan however, I had called my infertility doc in B'ham and asked if they could help me out.  The next day I received a call back that they were calling me in a script for Endometrin and that it would last through the first trimester.  Thank God for them because if they hadn't come through I would have had to wait at the whim of the doc on base!  At this point the next hurdle was determining exactly when I was due.  Until they could determine that for sure they went of my miscarriage date.

The rest of the story to catch you up to week 21 is to follow in a timeline of sorts and info on all my doc appointments......including pics.  Happy reading!