More curve balls

Well life has just thrown me another curve ball. Last night my DH was on Myspace and noticed that my cousin's page name was "I'm going to be a Mommy!!!!!". He asked me if I had seen it and I said no. At first I thought maybe it was a joke from April 1st that she just forgot to change. We looked at her comments and someone asked her about it. So we were nosey and looked at that person's page and sure enough, my cousin confirmed she is going to be a mommy. I called my mom this morning and asked her about it and she said it was true. My aunt called her Saturday to let her know and mom told her not to tell me because of my state of mind right now. My mom said that my aunt thought I should be told sooner rather than later because the older sister is getting married in September and she didn't want me to find out when I see her walking down the aisle, as her sister's Maid of honor, with a big belly.

I HATE WHEN PEOPLE THINK I CAN'T TAKE SOMETHING!!! LIKE I'M EMOTIONALLY FRAGILE AND WILL TOTALLY HAVE A BREAK DOWN OR SOMETHING WHEN HEARING ABOUT SOMETHING LIKE THIS!!!!!

What I hate more is finding out that is was an accident! My cousin is on the pill and basically had a one night stand with a guy that was about to leave for Iraq. Why for some does it take one time....and happens even though birth control is used.?????? This makes my aunt's second great-grandbaby conceived the same way....this cousin is really a second cousin. Her mom and dad are shocked that she would get pregnant since she is the one usually with a good head on her shoulders. And this boy that knocked her up, well, he doesn't believe that the baby is his and is sending very hateful email to my cousin.

I'm just so tired of it being everyone else but me!! Since DH and I have been TTC I have had 2 nieces (both 17 at the time), 2 nephews (one married, one not married), and 6 cousins(one of which had 2 babies 10 months apart, and all unmarried at the time of conception except for one) have babies. Now this 21 year old unmarried cousin and my 16 year old niece get pregnant. Not to mention my two sisters-in-law have each had a baby and now one is expecting again. That is a total of 16 babies in my family in 3 years time. Not to mention all the people I just know that have had babies. UGGG!!!! I'm just really having a pity party right now.

I know my time will come but it doesn't make this any easier!!!

Update on Video Conference

My doc is happy with they way our last cycle went except that my lining was a little thin. He put me on Estrace to help thicken it up. We are going to do Femara again this month and IUI. The day after I will start on 400mg of progesterone. He is happy with my 10pound weight lose so far. I have 20 pounds to go before he will even consider putting me on injections. Until then, we will continue doing this new "cocktail" of Metformin, Femara, Estrace and Progesterone. He wants us to be doing something while I'm losing the weight I need to and who knows, with the weight loss, something might just work and I won't have to do injections or IVF!!! That would be nice! Anyway, so that is where I'm at right now.

Video conference

I didn't blog before now because I have had a headache all weekend. AF showed today, with a vengeance! So we are officially on to another cycle. Thursday I called and scheduled our video conference with our RE but they couldn't get us in until April 30th. UGGG!!! However they put us on the cancellation list. In the mean time I called and spoke with the nurses about this cycle and they went ahead and called in a refill for my Femara and progesterone. Then Friday the RE office called and there was a cancellation for Monday. So we go in tomorrow morning at 8:30 for our video conference. Now I have to be honest and tell him that I lost a few more pounds but I have been BAD at exercising the past 3 weeks. I know we will probably be doing the same as last month, Femara, IUI and progesterone. His philosophy is we should be doing something while I'm losing weight, so I know he isn't going to say no, we don't need to do anything this month. Anyway, I really have to buckle down this next month and get some weight off. I'm starting on my nutrisystem again in the morning....so that with exercise is going to be my focus for the next couple months. Wish me luck and send any encouragement you can spare my way please!!!!

Another month, another negative!

We got a BFN yesterday. I was not all that surprised of the result, but I had truly hoped that it would be positive this time. I get so tired of seeing one line and hearing the words, "I'm sorry but your results were negative. " WHEN IS IT GOING TO BE MY TURN??????? Also in the back of my mind were the psychic predictions.....all three were basically the same, March or April. Well, one was March to May, but I guess I wanted to believe and hope that they would be right and my March-April cycle would be it. Oh, well, I'll move on to the next cycle. Every month gets us closer to the end result. Now I have to get over the hurdle of my weight.

I have lost about 9 of the 30 pounds I need to lose for us to be able to move on to injections. Then we have to decide if we are going to even do them or if we just want to move on to IVF. DH is afraid that if we do injections with IUI that we will end up with a litter instead of one or two babies. He feels better about doing IVF so that we can have "some" kind of control over how many there "may" be. I don't know what I want to do next. I'm willing to go as far as I need to but which step do we take next? I'm so confused and just completely at a loss! I've never been at this point before. After our second failed IUI last time we took a break......which ended up being a year long break. So here I find myself in new territory. And so my journey continues.

Medication and exhaustion

I went in for bloodwork yesterday to check my progesterone. It was only 14.7 so they increased my dosage to 200mg twice daily. Anyway, now my stomach doesn't feel well and I have been extremely exhausted all day long. It makes me wonder if it is the medication OR if it is something else.....like my little angel trying to make an appearance finally! I have 6 days left before I find out. Hope I can wait that long and not go crazy in the mean time!!!