Sunday, October 17, 2010

Ramblings at 2am

So we are building a house. There is just DH and I, except for every other weekend when my DSS "B" comes to visit.  This house we are building is a 4 bedroom...yes, a 4 bedroom.  We have so much stuff and I am just tired of having to "find" places to put things that I wanted enough room.  Plus with us trying to get pregnant I wanted us to have enough room to "GROW" into our family. So one room of course will be B's room, one will be a guest room and the other room will be our office/library/future baby's room.  While I was on my girls cruise, B was down visiting his maternal grandparents who live close to us, so DH took him to see the new house.  Well, B decided which room was going to be his....because it was the "biggest" of the 3 extra rooms.  Other than the Master Bedroom, all the bedrooms are the same size.  I had already decided which rooms I was going to give B a choice between and the room he chose was not one of them but my DH doesn't agree with what I have in mind.  I really think I should have a say as to which room MY FUTURE CHILD goes in! Shouldn't I? I don't want to be switching rooms around 6 months or 12 months or however long it takes for us to conceive or adopt!  Is that wrong?

How stupid is it that I laid in bed tonight letting this worry me?  But for the life of me I could not get it out of my mind.  We went to the house today and I sat down on the floor in the room I want to put MY child in and I dreamed of what that room would be like with a crib in it and toys on the floor. And all those things that make it a child's room. I could almost hear the soft in and out of breaths from a tiny body and smell the smell that can only be described as "baby". So now I have to either be the bad guy or be the bigger person and let B have the room he wants, while all the time wishing it were MY child's room. This is me just being selfish but this will be my house and B will only be there a minimum amount of time.  He is 15 now and in 9th grade, so he doesn't have much longer at home and he lives with his mom in another state the majority of the time.  I just don't know what to do.

On a different note, I met with my Exercise Physiologist this past week.  We have added some strength training exercises that I can do at home to my "workout routine". They use my own body weight so I don't need anything special.  I can also go to the gym and use the machines if I want to and get the same workout just to change it up a bit.  I also met with the dietitian this week.  So now I have all my tools to get started.  I have no excuses at all!  I am going to make up a meal plan and exercise plan and follow it!  My goals are going to be little to start...10% at a time.  So Monday starts my new lifestyle.  Hope I can do it.  I just have to keep remember WHY I AM DOING IT!!!  FOR THE CHANCE AT BEING A MOMMY!!!

1 comment:

allyouwhohope said...

Thanks for your comment on my blog :)

Good luck with the diet, I know how hard it is! But you're right.. always remember why you're doing it. You'd think losing weight just to look better would be enough motivation for me, but it rarely was. But losing it to have a baby was just the motivation I needed! I hope it comes off easily for you and that you get all your heart's desires very soon!

Oh, and building a house is my dream. How exciting! I hope the room assignments all work out in the end :)