1st Should Have Been

Today should have been my first OB appointment.  I should have seen my baby for the first time today, heard or seen his or her little heartbeat.  I really hadn't thought about it until someone I grew up with posted her sonogram picture this morning on Facebook announcing that she and her husband are expecting their second child.  The realization that I will never get that "picture" of my child that I lost really hit me.  Why didn't the nurse listen to me that very first day and just do a ultrasound!?!?!?!?  At least I would have a picture...even if it was just a gestational sac and you couldn't really see anything!  I HATE NOT HAVING ANYTHING TANGIBLE THAT SAYS YES I WAS PREGNANT!!!  A Picture would have made it tangible and real!  Maybe my DH would have considered it more real then, a "baby", if he had seen it.  I will never have that though. But today would have been the day I would have had that. The first picture of my first child.