Monday, January 3, 2011

Lots of Reading to do

About a week ago, my DH and I went to a local bookstore so that I could look for a book on Miscarriage and Grief.  I thought if I had a book to read on the subject, it would help me work through the pain and grief that I feel over losing this baby.  So we went to a "major" bookstore.  I checked the parenting section.  All the books in the world about how to get pregnant, pregnancy and after pregnancy but nothing for miscarriage.  Go to the section on Grief, nothing specific for loss of a child.  Every section I could think of to look in there was NOTHING!  The girl working customer service looked up "miscarriage" and said "Well, it says we should have one here."  She goes to find it but it isn't there.  Then she say, "Do you want to look at the titles and see which one you want us to order for you?"  I'm thinking to myself, "No, what I really want is to walk out of here and be able to read something but that isn't going to happen."  I thanked her and DH and I proceeded to the next place we thought we could find one...the "Christian Store".

In Pensacola there are two different Christian store chains, we went to the most "known" one first.  There again we hit a brick wall...nothing available but they could order me something.  At this point I'm thinking, but not saying, I CAN ORDER MY OWN BOOKS PEOPLE!!!  HAVE YOU EVER HEARD OF AMAZON????  So we go to the second Christian store and once again we find nothing.  However there, the lady was very nice and seemed to understand what I was going through.  She apologized for not having anything available and suggested I go to the other two stores we had already been to. I told her we had already checked there.  Instead of saying, "we can order something for you", she said, "Well, I'm sure if you go to you could find something and there you can read about each book and decide which one is best for you.  If I order something for you here we will only know what the name of it is and it might not be what you are looking for and it would take a couple weeks to get it in. Amazon would be faster for you."  I thanked her and she said she hoped I found what I was looking for.  Then we left. 

I ordered several books off of Amazon later that day.  I actually got two of them before New Years Eve so I have been reading them for several days.  Today I got three more in, including the devotional that is specific for people who have gone through miscarriage or the loss of a child.  I even found one that is geared specifically toward women who deal with Infertility AND Miscarriage.  So I am very eager to read that book.  I guess the old saying that Knowledge is Power is true.  Through these books I hope that I can begin to heal and find some peace and understanding as to why I had to experience this miscarriage.  I may never know, but at least I can begin to help myself move past the grief.  I am hoping that my DH will read some of these as well.  I am not sure exactly how he is feeling in all of this because he doesn't share his feelings very easily.  But I am hoping that we can at least do the devotional book together and that way we experience some healing together, since this baby was our first child together.

After I read all the books I'll post my thoughts on them and all the details on each.  It should be interesting to get through them all but I know I can do it!

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