Tuesday, January 25, 2011

Got my answers, sort of and not happy!

So I went to my doctors appointment this morning.  Right now I am sitting home alone trying to find some peace with what I was told.  Up until a few minutes ago I was sitting in total quiet.  Even the tick tock of my cuckoo clock was too loud. Now I sit listening to classical music, hoping it will calm the anger and sadness in me right now. Doctors and Nurses are supposed to help you, right? That is what they are there for, right? So why, when some tells them something about themselves do they choose to ignore it?

On December 17th, the day I found out I was pregnant and checked into the clinic at the "Big" base here in Florida...we have 2 in the city I am in...I told them my history with infertility, about all the procedures I had done in the past, all the meds I had taken to TTC, and also told them that with EVERY PROCEDURE I HAD TO HAVE PROMETRIUM BECAUSE MY PROGESTERONE WAS LOW!!!!!  Did they care?  Apparently not!  They didn't know me from adam that day.  I had never been in their precious little clinic before.  Did I happen to mention, that I interrupted their Christmas Party....which they forgot to tell the "Little" base about so they wouldn't send patients over?  The only reason I even now know what the level was the day I found out I was pregnant is because I REQUESTED they check my progesterone level because I had a history of LOW PROGESTERONE, they weren't going to check it as part of the routine beginning pregnancy lab work. I even asked for a prescription because I knew it would be low, but the nurse told me it would take a week for the results to come back and that if the doc saw a problem with the result he would call a script in then.  Well guess what?  I never even made it to the end of that week, cause I miscarried. 

Today when I went in to see my doc I asked her to look up the results of my pregnancy blood work and guess what.....I WAS RIGHT! My progesterone level at 6 weeks 5 days gestation was 3.7.  Yep...you read that right.  IT WAS TOO LOW!!!!!  Levels for the 1st Trimester should be between 9 - 47.  My old RE's magic # was 20.  Those incompetent hacks at the "Big" base COULD have helped prevent my miscarriage.  I know that it wouldn't have been a sure thing that it would have saved the pregnancy but there was a chance that by having the Prometrium that I might not have miscarried! UGGGG!!!  I feel so helpless and ANGRY!!  I wish I could go bash all their heads in and make them hurt as much as I do! I know that isn't very Christian like to say, but it is how I feel.

My RH blood work came back as I expected, well part of it anyway.  I am B negative blood type, which I already knew.  It also came back NEGATIVE for antibodies, which doesn't mean that I haven't had a miscarriage before, it just means I never built up an antibodies.  But I am covered for next time cause I got the shot of Rhogam. 

Next I asked my doc about referring me to a local RE.  I had all his information written out to give to her so she would have it.  She then tells me that she can't give me a referral for that without sending me to the "Big" base first.  The "BIG BASE" has to do a COMPLETE INFERTILITY WORKUP BEFORE THEY WILL SEND ME ANYWHERE!  Even if I had just completed a cycle with a doc in our last city and then came straight here and asked for a referral!  Is that stupid or what?  Then once you get referred the RE is going to want to do all the same tests again! I just hope they don't do another HSG because I don't react well to those!  So now I basically have to go back to the screw ups at the "Big" base and tolerate whatever they put me through just to get seen by a REAL REPRODUCTIVE ENDOCRINOLOGIST!  Have a said how much I really HATE this?  I HATE, HATE, HATE IT!!!!  This is really going to test my Faith in God.  I know he will truly have to TEACH me PATIENCE during this!

So now I have to get copies of my records from my RE in B'ham, have another pelvic ultrasound, the DH has to have another SA (which he is going to love) and THEN when all of that is done my PCM will make the referral to the "Big" base.  Don't know what they will do, but I know what I have done.  I already made an appointment with the RE I want to see.  Everything I have been told about him is GREAT!!!  His first available appointment was March 30th!!!  How crazy is that!? So I am going to walk in there an tell them, I have an appointment with Dr. X on X day and I want my referral now because I refuse to be treated by incompetent people who don't know how to treat someone with PCOS, history of infertility and history of Low Progesterone!  Think that will get there attention?  If that doesn't I'm going to the commander of the hospital.  Watch and see if I don't!

So I held myself together after my Dr. appointment and getting my prescriptions and referral for the ultrasound....I don't have a pinched nerve by the way, she thinks it is tension related, hmmm, who would have guess.  I got to my car and I totally lost it.  I was crying uncontrollable.  I know if anyone saw me they probably thought I was insane.  I was going to call my DH but remembered he was teaching a class this morning and wouldn't be where I could reach him.  It was close to his lunch time though so I sent him an email and waited for him to call me back. It seemed like forever.  Finally I tried calling him and got him.  Then I broke down again!  By the time he got to me my sadness had turned to a combination of grief and anger all rolled into one.  One hug and I felt much better...not over it, just better.  We talked about everything that was said at my Dr. appointment and we processed it all or as much as we could during a lunch break.  I guess the main thing for us to focus on is that at least we somewhat have an answer as to why we lost our baby.  It is better than not knowing anything.

So that is my news today.  I have more to share, like about my first Therapy appointment yesterday, but I'll do it later.  So more to come soon.

1 comment:

Lisa said...

Tasha, Thanks for your comment on my blog and I am sorry it has taken me so long to get back to you. I hate that you are having such a hard time with all of this. I get so frustrated when people don't do their jobs and when the system makes things so diffcult. As if infertility and baby loss is not hard enough physically and emotionally, you add the "system" to it all and it's ridiculous! The amount of time that we have to spend making phone calls to doctors and pharmacies, appointments with various docs, paperwork, etc. etc...it's crazy! Yesterday I had to spend time writing an appeal letter to the insurance company because of a infertility drug that they used to cover and now just stopped covering in the middle of our plan year. It's all so over whelming sometimes! You're not alone!! Saying a prayer right now for you guys!!