Friday, January 7, 2011

Insomnia, Comfort Food and Comforting Words

As I sit here and type, Thursday has turned into Friday.  I have spent the better part of 3 days sleeping.  Monday, the only reason I got out of bed was because my DH was being promoted to MSgt and I went to his promotion ceremony.  On Tuesday my mom was supposed to come and help me take down the Christmas decorations but I just wasn't up for company or putting everything away yet, so I called and told her not to come, plus I had a splitting headache.  Other than going out to the bank real quick to make a deposit, I stayed in bed pretty much all day that day, all day Wednesday, and all day today.  I didn't realize until about 4:30 today that I had anything to eat or drink all day.  Good thing DH was bring dinner home with him!  Anyway, all this sleeping is probably why now, after midnight I am up and can't get to sleep. 

When I haven't been sleeping I have been reading my books that I ordered about Miscarriage and dealing with the grief of miscarriage. Of the 6 books, I have read 4 of them.  I have started doing the devotionals in the 5th one and the 6th book came in the mail today. So far, each of them have given me information that is helpful and they give me hope in moving past the grief that I am feeling over the loss of my baby.  I didn't realize it until today, but the past 3 days are the first days I have been alone since my miscarriage.  My DSS was here when it all happened and we were busy with him and Christmas so there was never a real "time" for me to grieve the loss of my child.  So here two weeks after the fact I think I am finally grieving in the way I probably would have that very first week if it had not been Christmas week and my DSS had not been here.

So back to my DH bringing me dinner tonight.  Whenever I don't feel good or I'm down, the one thing I enjoy eating the most is a Chicken Pot Pie from KFC.  I know that might sound weird but it is comfort food in the best form! To me anyway.  Well, Wednesday night he went to get me one and the girl told him they had been discontinued.  WHAT?  DISCONTINUED?? You can't discontinue the Pot pie!!!  That is UnAmerican!  Anyway, so he brought me something else home to eat Wednesday night.  He looked up KFC and we called the one that is on his way home from work and asked if they still had them and they said YES!!!  So tonight he stopped and brought me a Pot pie!  He really does love me :) As a friend of mine on Facebook so eloquently put it..."Chicken Pot Pie for the Soul" instead of Chicken Soup for the Soul! 

When we found out we were pregnant, we told a couple of close friends and a family member, but everyone else was to find out on Christmas.  That was supposed to be a wonderful and Joyous day for us to celebrate our great and long awaited news with everyone, even though it would have been early into the pregnancy.  One of the people we were going to be telling at Christmas was one of my dearest and closest friends "J". J and I have been friends since 7th grade.  She was my Matron of Honor when DH and I got married. Several years ago she was in a car accident and she is now a quadriplegic.  She was expecting her first child at the time of her accident.  She carried her DS for two more months before giving birth to him early.  He lived a few short hours before leaving this world and going to Heaven.  So J knows what it is to loose a child.  I wanted to tell her in person about the baby, but due to me being sick around Christmas and then with me miscarrying I never got to tell her I was expecting and then I never got to tell her that my little one has joined her DS in Heaven.  Today I got a card from her in the mail....Her mother and sisters help her with sending things to people since she is unable to write :) It was a wonderful card.  She said that her stepfather has seen my Facebook page and read about our news and that she was so very sorry, that her heart hurt for us because she knows the pain of the loss that I am experiencing.  I was so worried about how to tell her or if I should tell her about our Angel baby at all and now I don't have to worry cause she already knows.  She took the time to let me know that she loves me and is thinking about me and praying for me during this time.  Sometimes I wonder what I did to deserve a friend such as J.  She is a blessing and I thank God for everyday for her! 

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